Cameron and Brown should wise up to the home business vote

On holiday in Malta recently I've discovered something that men are useful for – apart from that. And apart from fashion design too – Alexander McQueen achieved so much and was true to his words of 'I don't believe in flooding the market with lots of goods that don't mean much'.

Anyway, I've found something men have been doing since time began that is of use – fishing. Each morning I've seen the little men in their little red, yellow and blue boats bring in the fish that I then eat in a restaurant at lunch time. A perfectly delicious division of labour between the sexes.

Then it struck me, like a smoked kipper right between the eyes, as to why Whitehall fails to recognise the importance of home businesses and the one in seven of the adult workforce running their own business. The policies are all created by sad, grey suited men with rubbish ties, hairy backs, pubic hair growing out of their noses and dandruff.

These men only see proper jobs as being in traditional trades like fishing, butchering and undertaking or as something you do in a in a factory or office building. Proper executive, management and leadership jobs, including entrepreneurs, with proper perks and bonuses, they see as working in posh office buildings where men talk corporate bollocks to each other all day.

Do you see? This is why 95% of the government £billions to support and train for business goes to employers, the bigger the more they get, as only employers with business premises give people 'proper jobs'. The millions of women working from home aren't seen by government men as real enterprise owners so , to borrow a Yorkshire word from my hapless agent, 'they get nowt'.

So let's only give our vote to the party that starts re-allocating some of that enterprise support money to home business owners. For example, I'd like high speed, limitless internet to be low cost and available to every home business owner. It can be subsidised by government if they can't force the telecomms and utility companies to stop ripping us off.

That would begin to recognise the significant contribution we home business owners make to the economy, society, community and the employment rate. So stalkers, fans and dear readers how do you think we can get the grey suits to recognise home business as being real enterprise and a proper job?

What do you think we should ask Cameron and Brown for?